Dearest, sweet little Huck…one of mama’s earliest (and sweetest) childhood memories is snuggling up in my mom and dad’s bed to watch The Wizard of Oz (again!) on the black and white bedroom tv. Even as a little one, I soaked up the voices, the characters, the story, the lessons. That poor lion. If only he could overcome those fears. Fears we all carry deep inside of us. Of not being good enough. Of being afraid to ask for what we want. Of failing. I was rooting for him from the other side of the screen. You will too my love, when you eventually watch it with grandma and I – it’s one of her faves. And you will begin to understand that real courage is about not being afraid to just be you.
The truth is Huck…I didn’t know if I was going to be a mama. Or if I even wanted to. I wanted to travel (I did!), I wanted to live abroad (I did!), I wanted a career that made me feel creative and fulfilled (I do!), I wanted to shop for cute clothes and try new restaurants and have the money to do so (Okay the first part) and I wanted to fall in love…and I did. But it came a little later in life then expected. At a turning point when your papa and I weren’t sure if adding to our little family was right. And I’ve faced my own fears monkey bear. Deep scary thoughts that wash over me like a strong wave and pull me under where I can’t breathe. That I was too selfish to be a mama, because I wanted things for myself. That I couldn’t handle taking care of someone else, when I often struggled to take care of myself. That I would have to give up who I was to be a good mama. A dedicated mama. A ‘real mama’.
But a little light always shone from somewhere far away with a bright and hopeful notion that adding you to our family would create a seismic shift towards joy. Would give us a new purpose. That we could do parenting our way and not be afraid. That we could do things for ourselves and still do things for you. That just by fulfilling ourselves, you would in turn develop the courage to chase after your dreams. To ask for what you want. To be yourself. Even if that goes against the grain or what’s expected of you. So we jumped. And you came my darling. And you really did change everything. In the most wondrous, life-changing way. So I tell you this my amazing little Huck. Do not be afraid. Have the courage to face your fears. Let them wash over you. Feel them. Then let them go. And be you. Roar. Be the strong but gentle lionheart I know you are. (And one day watch The Wizard of Oz with your little ones.)
Love forever mama. xo
This is my audition for Volume V of the Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries, an incredible community of babywearing mamas sharing their words and images through this journey that is motherhood. It is an honour to apply. To find out more, visit them here.
A very special thanks to the incredible Sunny from Sunny S-H Photography for the photos. We will treasure them forever. Take that step and capture those important (and everyday) family moments with Sunny – you won’t be disappointed.