I've always been a coveter. Since I was a little girl, I longed for things I didn't have. Not a deep down sadness, but definitely a little wistful wanting. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the things I did have - but other people's lives presented a mysterious something that made me wonder if they had it better than me. I always brushed it off as ambition, me wanting to aspire to be the best I could be. Once I learned that if I worked hard that I could accomplish dreams, buys things I wanted and make my life fulfilling - I began busting my behind and never looked back.
Then blogging introduced me to a whole new world of people, primarily women. It's like one giant high school where you can peek into everyone's lives - there are people you click with right away, those you never really 'get', the ones who have the job or the wardrobe or the love life that you want... I'm not immune to comparing myself.
Truth is, there is something about every other blogger that I covet. I want to look as good at Kendi does in her blog posts. I wish I had Cara's to-die-for body. I've always wanted to write for Glamour magazine like Rosemary does. Why can't I have a dream job of working for myself like Leigh-Ann does? I wish my photographs looked like Mandy's. Why can't I think of as many pretty DIYs as Elsie does? It goes on and on and on...
A recent email really got me thinking about the idea of 'comparing lives' and how unhealthy it is.
Let's be real here - this blog is a place that I share my joys. Not too often do I get into my sorrows, my daily annoyances, my disagreements with my family or my husband. I don't share my embarrassing moments or things I'm shameful that I've done. This space is my 'charmed life', as it probably is for so many other bloggers. I work very hard to take pretty pictures, to show you nice things, to talk about fun ideas and inspirational creative-type stuff.
But I have crap and flaws and down days. Never mind the fact that we are all in different places in our lives, whether it's financially, career-wise, in our personal lives or with our own growth, development and self-acceptance. I spent my 20's trying to figure out my career path, going on bad date after bad date, struggling to pay my bills. It took a long time to get where I am today. But I wouldn't change anything about it. Cause it's all me.
I know I can never change your mind. But please please pretty please try your hardest to love you, to accept you, to be you. You are pretty great. And goodness knows there is someone out there coveting exactly what you have...so enjoy it.
Sending you all big hugs,
Amen, sister! This is a wonderful post that I think everyone needs to hear from time to time. Don't wait your life away...be satisfied with what you have been blessed with!
ReplyDeletewhat a thoughtful and wonderful post, lenore. i try very very hard not to compare myself to others and appreciate me for me. if i focus on the things i am not doing i feel bad. but if i look at all the things i am doing and that i have done, then i should be proud of myself. we are all unique and i wish we would all embrace it and be our own trendsetters and do what makes ourselves happy and not what we think others will like us for doing.
ReplyDeletelenore, i think you are so smart, so beautiful, and have a wonderful head on your shoulders and i am glad you wrote this. i feel like you do, but i know for a fact, as i have friends who are constantly comparing themselves, and it only makes them feel worse.
i am readin the happiness project right now- have you read it? i just started but i am trying my hardest to embrace the book and its philosohpy, embrace me and embrace my life. anyhow, long comment, but i am just happy you wrote this for those who need to hear it.
Errr... awkward! I certainly didn't mean to come off so coveting! Sigh, my humour never translates well in email! I certainly am very happy with the majority of my life. And you made me blush... do die for body? Oh, Lenore, the things being hidden by clothes! But it certainly did brighten my day, particularly because I read it just after throwing a pile of clothes on the floor in disgust that they look so much better on my sister than me. It's a good reminder to like me for me, and let everyone else be everyone else!
ReplyDeleteYou're so sweet and that's why we love you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. I just said to Matt yesterday, that I'm envious of you and your creativity and wished that I could find something to be passionate about. So just so you know, I'm coveting you. I know that's not super healthy, but until I find my passion, I want you to know that you inspire me.
ReplyDeleteWell said Lenore!! It's astounding how wonderful life can be when you start loving yourself...everything just seems to work!! It's a process, one that we need to work on everyday. Thanks for the reminder!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lenore. It's really true that because bloggers so openly share their lives with us, we tend to forget that it isn't the whole picture. That can really distort our perceptions of their lives, when in reality, they probably have just as many crappy things going on as we do, it's just that they don't share them. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post to read this morning. Thinking about it, I never realized that I covet alot of things too. Some are even things I covet about you. I have found though, that as I have gotten older I have become alot more comfortable with myself. I am so thankful for this. Granted, there are some days where I don't like myself very much, but they are becoming fewer and far between. With your reminder, I think those days will continue to dwindle. Thanks. xo
ReplyDeleteOh you are such an admirable woman, Lenore! It's very insightful to hear many of the words you have said. I'm in my early twenties and they are tough. Everything feels wrong or that I'm not good enough. It's good to know that I still have at least 8 years of "figuring out to go" (Hah)!. "I spent my 20's figuring out my career path", it's truly comforting!
ReplyDeleteYou have such a calm and organized way of conveying your words and you manage to been meaningful and sincere sounding. You are a very level woman and anyone who's in your life is very lucky! We all have our down days- yesterday I was a wreck and I did nothing productive. You however wrote a beautiful and relatable post on your down day. Your kind words will fill my heart today.
<3
Lenore, what a beautiful post and necessary reminder. Thank you so much for writing this...it was just what I needed to hear :) You're one amazing lady!
ReplyDeletePs. Love love those blue shoes!
ReplyDeleteI started following your blog recently and admire your style and writing. This post really resonated with me.
ReplyDeletePart of why I enjoy some blogs is because of the element of escape they provide by allowing peeks into others' "charmed" lives. On the other side of the coin, I've considered starting/restarting a blog after reading them for 5+ years, but am intimidated by what's already out there!
I'm in my 20s and it's not the easy road I thought it would be 10 years ago! Thanks so much for your frank and honest post. Looking forward to many more!
Celia
Such an honest post! This very topic comes up a lot when I talk to other bloggers. It's hard not to start comparing yourself to others and start question your self worth. I just try to remind myself that my blog doesn't define me and that I am so much more. I try to accept myself good and bad. I have to say self acceptance has been a lot easier in my 30s and it is great to feel comfortable in my own skin.
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